He is so cute sometimes. He thinks that he's as eager for me to get to him as I am. :) Of course, I'm sure that he's not nearly as excited as me. Why would he be? I'm waiting for him, and all he's waiting for is me. Even as I write this, I can hear him in my head telling me not to doubt myself so much. This must be a huge frustration for most men: why don't women just trust themselves more?
Men are so straight-forward. If they are unhappy with you, you will know it. Sure, they may not just come right out and tell you that they're not happy--they aren't stupid, you know!--but you'll know. Men are not good at hiding what they're really feeling. So long as you pay attention to him, pay attention to his demeanor and his moods, you should be able to tell if he's happy or not.
The thing is, I can't see my man. Actually, I can't even really call him mine, can I? After all, he's made no promises to me. We're not technically dating. He's just this guy that I've loved for 10 years, and can't imagine spending the rest of my life without...*sigh* I am hopeless, aren't I? Anyway, I can't see him. I don't spend time with him every day. All we have at the moment is text messages, a few e-mails, and the occasional phone call. How am I supposed to discern anything from that? And how in the world am I supposed to figure out what it is that keeps him coming back to me when I cannot offer him anything real right now?
He's been talking about moving to where I am. Not for me, of course. Well, he's not moving for me, but he might be moving here for me. To be near me. To give us a fighting chance at having a real life together. I'm absolutely blown away that he would do that. I mean...that's huge, you know? He could pick up and start over anywhere in the world, and he's choosing to come to me. At least, he's thinking about it. How is it that I mean that much to him? What do I do that keeps him coming back? I want to know, so I make damn sure I keep doing it!
I suppose, at the end of the day, what I really want to know is that he is happy with me. Even if I don't know exactly why (though I would really, really prefer to know), the important thing to me is that he be happy. And you know, it may sound arrogant, but I think that he is happy. He's not a stupid person. He knows what he wants, and he's never been afraid to be direct about going after it. A move here is certainly direct! I may not understand why he feels this way about me, but I do know that the feeling is absolutely mutual. Instead of questioning it at every turn, I think I'll just start enjoying it!
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