It has been a little over three weeks since he left me standing in that parking lot. I recall vividly how we both knew that he had to leave, that he'd already stayed much longer than he was supposed to, but neither of us were willing yet to part. This trend has held true for me throughout every one of our ten years together. Once I have him with me I do not want to let him go. He says he feels the same about me. I close my eyes and hear him say those words again, "You are impossibly difficult to leave." He must love me.
Aside from his brief visit to me a few weeks ago, the last time that we saw each other was approximately 14 months prior. The visit before that was another three years prior. The thought of going another year or more without seeing him is too horrible. So, I am planning a trip to go and see him. In another three weeks' time, I'll be hopping on a flight to be with him. And this trip will be no mere three days, split between home, chores, child care, and each other. No! My trip is going to be 9 full days of just us. I cannot think of anything that would be more pleasant...except for maybe not having an end to our time together. I think about that often. I won't lie and say I don't dream of that future together, but I do realize that we are not there yet. I can want anything I want, but I should not allow my thoughts to get out of hand.
This trip that I am taking has overtaken me completely. Every day has at least an hour dedicated to the planning, the purchasing, of various necessities. I shop endlessly for the perfect clothes, and have even ordered a custom jacket. I've never had anything custom made before. You see, I know in my heart of hearts that this trip is a test for us. If all goes well, we may very well be together. If not...I will lose him. Probably forever. I want so much to be with him, for this to all work out for us.
Lord, make the next 23 days fly by!
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