When I look in to his eyes, I find myself wishing that he knew how much I love him. That I've loved him for more than a decade. He takes my hand, and I absolutely melt. There is no room for stress or sorrow as long as he's with me. When he tries to leave, though...I just know I'll fall apart.
We sat across the table from each other, thoroughly enjoying our delicious Indian dinner of Lamb Saag and Lamb Vindaloo-laughing that we each chose the same protein-and for a while nothing is said. So much of the time we don't have to say a word to each other. From the beginning, we've been able to read each other's eyes. I look at him, knowing that he loves me though he hasn't said it. The softness I see in his eyes is fascinating. I'm drawn to him, to continue looking at him. I can see it making him nervous, and I find that adorable.
"You're so quiet," he says.
I know I am. There are a thousand thoughts running through my head, none of which know how to come off my lips. I gaze at him a long moment, basking in how much I love this man. I cherish every moment with him. How do I tell him these things? You'd think it would be easy, but it's really not. Just looking at him, I get completely tongue-tied. All I want is to run to his arms, lay my head against his chest, and stay there forever. I want to call him my own, and know that I am his.
How do I tell him that when he smiles at me, I feel young and carefree again? That his smile is what prompted me to take his hand after so many years, and run with him to the carnival ride, laughing like a little girl? How do I tell him that joy to me is running my fingers through his hair, or that contentment is laying in his arms after making sweet, passionate love?
I realize that I've been gazing at him for several minutes in silence, smiling uncontrollably, and I giggle. I don't know how to tell him what I'm thinking. I don't know if I ever will. But I think he can tell by my smile that I love him and I'm so happy he's here.
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